Not Deciding Yet
When something stops fitting, the urge for clarity often arrives as urgency. But relief isn’t the same as truth. This is a reflection on premature answers, borrowed certainty, and the quiet discipline of letting a question remain open until it no longer needs to be forced.
When something stops fitting, the mind looks for answers.
Not because answers are always right,
but because uncertainty is uncomfortable.
We’re taught that clarity is maturity.
That knowing what to do is strength.
That hesitation means something is wrong.
So when a question opens, we rush to close it.
We name a direction.
We decide on a plan.
We tell ourselves a story that restores order.
And for a moment, it works.
The nervous system settles.
The tension drops.
The discomfort fades.
But relief isn’t the same as truth.
Very often, the urge to decide is really the urge to stop feeling.
To escape the weight of not knowing.
To move out of the in-between as quickly as possible.
This is the trap of premature answers.
Clarity forced too early often sounds convincing.
It arrives with confident language.
Clean logic.
Strong reasons.
But listen closely.
Many early answers are borrowed.
From past versions of you.
From identities that once kept you safe.
From expectations you’ve learned how to satisfy.
They offer certainty.
But they don’t always offer alignment.
Real clarity has a different quality.
It doesn’t arrive with urgency.
It doesn’t demand immediate action.
And it doesn’t shrink you to fit a decision.
Real clarity needs space.
Space to feel what hasn’t been felt yet.
Space to notice what no longer wants to stay.
Space for the nervous system to settle before direction is chosen.
Not deciding yet isn’t avoidance.
It’s restraint.
It’s choosing honesty over speed.
Timing over pressure.
You don’t have to rush into an answer to be responsible.
And you don’t have to act immediately to be sincere.
Some truths can only surface when you stop forcing resolution.
And often, the most respectful thing you can do for yourself
is to let the question stay open
until it no longer needs to be held shut.
